Written by: Rahmad Saputra & Diah Agustina Ratu
Edited by: Salma Maulani
Chapter One: Eileen
That was my first word when I met him. We met at the library while I was searching for some books. I still remember when he helped me to grab my book. Unfortunately, I did not have much time to get to know him further.
Suddenly, he left with a smile.
As he walked out, I followed him to the door, I could still see his smile when he walked into the elevator and wondered “why does he have a smile that comforts me so much?” I wish I knew the reason or at least knew his name but I stupidly waved at him.
“Stupid!” I said that to myself many times, then I stayed in the library to read the book that he grabbed for me until late noon. sadly I could not focus on anything.
On that day, when I returned home, I keep remembering the times when he helped me. The eyes, the look, the softness of his voice made my heart thumping like If I were hypnotized.
Really! This is the first time I met a person who can distract me from the world. I lost my mind at that time. It was like destiny made its way to ours. The way we met was just unpredictable. I fell in love instantly. The moment when he looked at me was… I don’t know how to put it into words.
Still imagining his smile, I was such an idiot hoping that the next day I can meet him again. I was desperate to know his name and I kept thinking about him and somehow his smile makes my heart pound so hard.
This might sound cheesy, but… hearts couldn’t lie and being honest wasn’t that bad.
Chapter Two: Anggasta
It was a rainy morning, the last thing I remembered was searching a book in the library for my essay and I saw this girl. She was having trouble grabbing a book. I tried to help her to reach the book with a sense of curiosity towards her, without saying anything I grabbed the book and gave it to her.
“Thank you” she said
I never heard someone say it so sincerely before, I smiled and walked away from her as I am not really good at interacting with people. I used being alone in this big universe. When I walked into the elevator, she waved at me as the door closed.
Funny, somehow I am wondering “what kind of person she is?”
In the afternoon, I had an archery practice near the library. When I pulled my arrow and aimed at the target, I saw her walking out from the library and I got distracted while I unconsciously released my arrow and missed the target. “Damn!” I said it to myself.
After the practice was over, I went to my bag and checked my phone. There was a reminder that evening, I had an appointment with my doctor. Huuh, I wish I could skip that but unfortunately I had to go to the hospital that evening while my essay is waiting to be finished.
“Calm down! Everything is going to be fine” I said that to cheer myself up.
Chapter Three: Constellation
I felt so familiar with this voice when I heard it. Apparently, that was the voice of hers, the girl whom I helped in the library. It was very crowded in the cafeteria until there’s no empty seats except near her table, there were two empty seats beside her. She was eating and talking with her friends while me and my friend, Bayu, ordered some food. We Waited for another empty seat but it seemed we ran out of options, without hesitation Bayu approached them because he knew one of the girls who sat with her.
Her name is Sasa, she is from grammar class. Well, I knew her but I have never spoken to her before. I was feeling a little bit nervous and she seemed so surprised when she saw me and Bayu.
“Ya Allah, why is he here?” I couldn’t believe that he is here.
Unexpectedly, I met him in this place, he sat down in front of me and said “Hi” and I said “Hi” back too. Bayu was surprised by showing a shocked face like if he were struck by lightning and then he said “Did you already know each other?” Then we both looked at Bayu with a smile and said “We just did”
It was a long afternoon, all I could do was remain silent until only the two of us left, because Bayu, Sasa and Fafa had a class at that time. Then she thanked me for helping her to grab the book and I said “Don’t mention it” and we did a proper introduction to each other this time.
We felt weird because we were silent before and for an instant, we talked a lot, we even exchanged instagram ID and line as well so we could keep in touch with each other. Funny! We were so far back then like two stars in a different sky but the constellation brought us together and connected to one another.
Chapter Four: Hello Noceur!
My phone rang so much, he texted me while I was reading my book. I don’t know why but all of sudden he video-called me “What should I do?” I couldn’t pick up his call because I was nervous but eventually I picked it up.
He apologized for calling this late and I told him it was okay. It was a random talk with lots of laughs between us. I am so glad that we were getting closer and then the awkward moment happened.
He asked me to go out on Saturday night “what the…..” it felt like I was forgetting how to breathe, it was 1 AM and we have not hit the bed yet. I didn’t mean to reject but I told him “I couldn’t answer it now” then he replied “It’s okay, please let me know if you want to go out with me” .
Along with those conversations he said “good night and have a sweet dream” I could see my face become red like tomato soup that my mom made for breakfast this morning. All I could say was “Thank you” like I didn’t have any words to express what I wanted to say and he hung up the phone.
It was a long conversation but in the end I couldn’t help myself to ask her out, it came out of nowhere “Let’s go to someplace on Saturday night” that was the most stupid thing I have ever done in my entire life.
Chapter Five: Iridescent
As I wait for her answer, I am…
Those kinds of thoughts always mesmerized my mind. I have no idea what if she rejected me or ignored me.
I was in the cafeteria picking up my food, while I was searching for a seat, I looked at her with her peers. She also gave me a gaze before.
“Oh Hi, Anggasta!”
Couldn’t breathe for a while, she’s a goddess. Besides that, I was thinking about dating. Why doesn’t she give me an answer.
I don’t want to hope like that.
I checked my phone and there is no answer. So, I decided to play a mobile legend before. 30 minutes after,
‘Beep Beeeeeep Beep”
My phone has been ringing.
I look at my phone and the message above.
WHAATTTTTT, FROM EILEEN?
“Yes, why not”
I threw away my phone without realizing it, but nevermind. Finally, Yeay!! “Holy pudding” I text Bayu right away to go to my house.
All of a sudden, I get a text from my doctor that I need to go to hospital, I don’t know what happened but it sounds serious.
When I arrive at the hospital the doctor seems worried and I know what it means, it means I don’t have much time left. The doctor explains everything and all I can do is listen, I just hope that I will be able to hold on until the dating day. After that I went home and Bayu was already in my house, I told him about Eileen’s answer. Bayu said “Dude, you have to look good and well-dressed” don’t worry we still have 5 days to prepare it.
I was being brave at that time to answer his request, I was just glad that I said “yes” 5 days left before the dating day and like usual I am feeling so nervous. I don’t know what to wear, then I call Sasa and Fafa to accompany me to shop.
Chapter Six: Serendipity
As the door opened, I could see him sitting at a very beautiful table with candles and white roses, what a romantic place.
I could see her from the door, she’s so beautiful in white. I feel enchanted when I look at her.
We talked a lot back then, talking about our past, family and future plans, but somehow, I feel he hid something really big, maybe it’s just the bad feeling in my stomach.
I could feel it and I am getting weak. I have nosebleed all of sudden but I try to hide it from her and wipe it with the napkin but sadly I could not hold it anymore. I fainted in front of her during our dating time.
I was so terrified when I saw him faint. All I could do was scream for help, when we arrived at the hospital the doctor told me to wait outside. I am waiting, waiting just waiting outside the line and the doctor came out of the room and he said “He is waiting for you”~~
What is this? Why couldn’t my heart be silent? I am so worried. I entered the room slowly and I could see him lying on bed, he looked at me deeply while I was curious about him. He said “I am sorry” and heard that I just wanted to be angry at him but I couldn’t “why are you apologizing? I am so worried” the doctor said “you have to do surgery right now” and he said “I know” then he opened his phone and did a snapgram video with me with the caption “See you in the next few hours” what is this? I don’t why but I have bad feelings about this.
I lied to her again, I wonder if she forgives me? Nevermind, at least I could see her for the last time, your smile makes me stronger Eileen, I am sorry I lied to you over and over again. I hope we could meet in another life and fall in love again, I said it inside of my heart.
Then the surgery began, I was waiting like an idiot walking around like I was jogging or something, one hour passed my breath starting to be heavy, two hours passed I could feel my tears falling down. I heard the door open and the doctor came out of the room confused, maybe he doesn’t know how to tell me properly about what is going on. “I am sorry, he is in a better place now” Huuuh….. What……. No…….. No, I was screaming as hard as I could and crying back then. Leukemia is a very bad one and he never told me about that.
This is my first time attending a funeral, there’s a lot of people here. Everyone said their prayers to Anggasta, he always said that he doesn’t have many friends. I guess he lied again. I brought the white roses like he gave me on our first date.
At night, I am thinking about him while crying like an idiot, then I fall asleep until morning. I could hear the sound of the alarm. It means I have to go to campus, but I feel like I don’t want to but Sasa, and Fafa came to pick me up. “Come on Eileen, let’s have fun today in campus” said Sasa, “I made you breakfast, let’s eat it together” said Fafa. With a smile I follow their instructions.
I felt everything when I arrived at campus, we used to meet in the cafeteria but now he isn’t here anymore, I used to laugh with him in there and there but I couldn’t even laugh anymore. I am about to cry but I try to not. Then Bayu approached me all of sudden and gave me a letter with a weird expression toward him and how silly I am, thinking it was a love letter.
At night I was working on my poetry assignment but I didn’t have any idea what to write. I went to the backyard in the middle of the night and lay down above the grass. There are a lot of stars and I start to open my note and a letter falls over, it was Bayu’s that he gave me this morning. Then I open the letter hoping that it isn’t a love letter.
You are a good reader and I am a good listener, we would make a great team together. It was the happiest time of my life Eileen, but the universe doesn’t allow us to be together for now and that’s okay, I am sorry I lied to you for many times, I just want to enjoy our time with lots of laughs and happiness. I am glad that I met you. I hope we could meet in another life and tell stories again. Eileen, I love you, so much. I am sorry for being childish all this time and I am sorry for everything. Thank you, you changed my world.
“I Love you too, Anggasta”
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