No More People-Pleasing: Balancing Self and Others

Have you ever been in a situation where you were extremely hard to say no to someone else’s personal request? Are you scared that turning people down will make them think you are mean or selfish? Or have you always wanted people to like you and feel that doing things for them will earn their approval?

If you say yes to all of these questions, you are likely a common people-pleaser.

People pleaser is a term for someone who always tries to please other people. In the women’s’ scope, this trait can also be called the good girl syndrome. At one glance, being a people-pleaser sounds positive. However, going too far to please others can cause serious risks that leave you feeling emotionally depleted, stressed, and anxious.

A people-pleaser will attain a sense of security and confidence through the validation of others. They often sacrifice their feelings for the sake of other people’s pleasure, while deep down, they also object when asked for a lot of help. Because of the difficulty of rejecting many requests, some people will take advantage of it and often target you for a task or favor.

Fortunately, there are some moves that you can take to stop being a people-pleaser and discover how to balance your desire to make others happy without sacrificing your own.

• Set Priorities

Knowing your priorities can help you determine whether or not you have the time and energy to devote to something in your life. Being available for others should not make you neglect your health, dreams, goals, and responsibilities. Don’t allow your fears and insecurities to turn you into a chronic people-pleaser. Instead, make time to please one of the most influential people in your life: you.

• Set Your Boundaries

If being a people-pleaser makes it tough to pursue your own happiness, it’s crucial to find ways to set boundaries and take back your time. It is okay to say ‘no’ once in a while for the sake of your physical and mental health. Never feel guilty or uneasy when someone gets mad at you because you cannot help that person. Remind yourself that you can’t please everyone.

• Be Realistic

Devote yourself to the people who are important to you or who are worth fighting for. Be clear and specific about what you’re capable of taking on. If it seems like someone is asking for too much, let them know that it’s over the bounds of what you are willing to do and that you won’t be able to help. Everyone deserves your kindness, but only some of them deserve more.

• Build Your Self-Esteem

Use your spare time for self-development activities as well as relaxation. Identify your life purpose and values and stand up for them. You do not need to always agree with everyone. Do not rely on other people’s compliments to make you feel better.

• We Always Need Others in A Good Way

Doing things for others should not be a burden. When you know your self-worth, you will be able to give back and help others. Remember that love does not diminish when it is shared; it multiplies.